I hate time wasters. So if you are a time waster, I hate you.
DO NOT CONTACT ME if you plan on wasting my time.
That also includes not returning phone calls/e-mails. Not only is this inexcusably rude because you contacted me first, but takes my time away from current projects.
Other guys may enjoy driving around for hours at a time for free.
I am very busy.
You can expect me to respect your time by showing up when we agree. I’ll respect you, your family and home by:
-Not touching anything without permission
-I won’t scissor-kick the dog trying to shag my leg (but you better get it off).
Aside from that, please feel free to e-mail or call me with any questions. Even if you’d just like a second opinion on something, I’m always glad to help.
Please include how soon you wish to get your project started as it helps me tremendously in scheduling appointments.
If you’d like a prompt quote over e-mail, send me your request and include any relevant pictures and measurements and I’ll give you a fairly close estimate. Actual dimensions and exact pricing will be finalized after I come out.
I get to all e-mails ASAP and schedule appointments in order of urgency.
I also schedule installations in the order I receive them.
A few housekeeping items for the very few that spoil it for the rest:
In this industry, the customer is always wrong.
I am not going to peddle a slogan and have you screw up your home. So don’t throw a tantrum or get all drama queen/king on me because I advised you putting a large bench in a 3 x 3 shower won’t bloody work!
Let’s work as a team and do it my way.
I also have absolutely ZERO tolerance for any disrespect to my workers.
Any yelling or cursing at them, insults, drunkenness, racist comments/jokes will earn you an immediate termination of work. I will instruct them to immediately pack up their gear and leave. We are done. I will return your funds to you minus materials and work performed and you can find someone else to finish the job and put up with your stupidity.
No apologies, second chances, explanations, excuses, meetings, seminars, campaigns, conferences, plea bargains, treaties, truces or negotiations.
Please do not look over the workers shoulders’ and/or follow them around like a stalker.
If you do so, I will show up at your place of employment and do the same.
Do not tell the installers how to do their job. Back off, shut your cakehole and let them work.
If you insist on telling them how to do their work, I will instruct them to leave and you are more than welcome to do the work yourself. If you simply want to watch out of curiosity, you’re more than welcome to.
You are welcome to call me between 8am – 8pm. If you call me at 2am, I will cook and eat you.
Thank you and look forward to working with you!